did you know?

my website has been live for almost a whole week! this past week has been full of self-indulgence. i’m really happy to focus on myself, but every time i spend time doing “nothing” i get filled with anxiety that i’m wasting my time if i’m not working on something beneficial... i’m nervous and i want to feel ready to be a content creator, you know?

but that doesn’t matter, i’ll be on my feet soon! but how did i get here in the first place?

let’s take a journey back real quick.

i started vtubing in 2021! did you know that? probably not. nobody did. i didn’t promote myself at all. i even used a different name! Nyuuko-tan used to be called Milky Myao, but i ditched the name because there’s too many milk-named VTubers out there and i was afraid i wouldn’t stand out. i’m glad i took the extra time to think on what Nyuuko-tan’s name is. it’s so cute and perfect and full of meaning.

it took me a long time to fully design Nyuuko-tan, or even decide what i wanted to do with her. i knew i wanted a vtuber that represents one side of my “ego.” she initially started as a fox girl with multiple tails and two souls, one representing “who i want to be” and one representing “who i really am,” but i guess that’s kind of what i’m still doing... i don’t know if i’ll ever be ready to show my face. it’s scary.

very rare first iteration of Nyuuko-tan! or should i say Milky here? the name “Milky” even has more meaning than just a cheeky milk-themed vtuber. my actual name... it’s similar to “Milk”! i like to use “Milk” as a nickname on a lot of websites and games, and a lot of people have independently given me that nickname based on my actual name. something milk-themed... it’s totally me!

you can see the huge fennec fox ears here! foxes are one of my favorite animals. i thought they had a great allusion to my character concept. i wanted it to be obvious that i was “hiding” a secret identity, and you see foxes represent that exact concept often in folklore.

a lot of my friends also associated me with pink hair, probably because i used pink haired anime characters as my profile picture a lot... but my favorite color is purple! i felt like i was betraying my desires by listening to my friends associations instead of picking purple like i really wanted. so i did that!

i really wish i could’ve fit that holographic skirt in my final design... holographic textures are my favorite... i love rainbows and colors so much...

here, i had a lot stronger of ideas for the direction i wanted to go in. some of the things i wanted were an exposed navel, a leg strap, HUGE sleeves, and the idea of “fake ears” to allude to Milky being a façade to my real self. i wanted the pointy ears to be downturned, to be in the same shape of my “real self” because at this point, i still was really on the whole fox concept.

she’s really starting to look like Nyuuko-tan! it’s so embarrassing showing all of this old art though. this stuff is like 3-4 years old... i started drafting all these designs in 2019, before the english vtuber scene blew up, idealizing a “what if.”

i still haven’t ditched those huge ears yet, but the sleeves are here! the real Nyuuko-tan sleeves! and the face is really starting to resemble her! i took a lot of time to write down what direction i wanted to go in here, but a lot of it wasn’t followed in the end... it would be bold of me to call Nyuuko-tan a loli, lol. the double ahoge made its debut here!

i really found myself immersed in menhera culture online, honestly long before a lot of “menhera” labelled vtubers started to pop up. i have always been a HUGE lurker in the vtuber community, and the first time i saw a menhera vtuber was late 2021, and all these drawings predate that. the same goes for ukagaka! i love that there are so many desktop mascot inspired vtubers nowadays, but i felt like i was doing something truly unique at the time too. i have so many regrets with not becoming active in 2021 when i had my model completed... i feel like i could’ve made friends with so many similar people, had i been active earlier, but it’s okay! there’s nothing stopping me from still trying now, right?

i was so attached to this design, even if the face was nothing like what i wanted. it just felt like a “good” drawing to me, and like i was getting somewhere. it made me happy.

LOOK! the outfit is really, REALLY starting to resemble the final product! look, i have the chest harness! ugh, i love how much darker this design is, but it clashed with what i wanted in the end... maybe i’ll revamp this into a new outfit someday??

that’s Nyuuko-tan’s face if i’ve ever seen it! that little “Milky” charm is so cute...

this all heavily predates the airing of Waccha PriMagi, and the character named MIRUKI had nothing to do with this??? AND MIRUKI IS MY FAVORITE????? sometimes some characters truly are made for me...

this is THE first drawing i could find of the “final” design!!!!! i held onto those boots for dear life, but THAT IS HER!!!!! everything clicked by this point! she felt so cyber webcore etc etc and such a perfect representation of my taste. look at that tasteful skin showing... such a shame that demonias never made the final cut, i feel like a few egirls would have appreciated them very much.

this is the final reference album i sent to get my live2d model made. my art has progressed SO much since then, and seeing how Nyuuko-tan grew visually makes me so proud of myself.

i hope you enjoyed this little insight and exploration! thank you so much for reading!

love, “milk” :p